I think this last month I have wanted to give up at least once a day. Give up on diets and leaving the house and exercise. Give up on seeing my loved ones or work or just anything. Then as quickly as those moods fall they leave unexpectedly. You know what though... thats ok.
That's ok because I haven't given up, I have continued to move. I've managed to continue reducing my carbs and sugar and despite setbacks I've kept fighting. I think if I was only fighting when things were easy this attempt was doomed from the get go. I'm glad to have some perseverance.
So in the spirit of that allow me to focus on the things that are going ok. I've been able to fight again at sword fighting once more and with semi decent stamina, I've been able to walk longer and longer distances and oh... I joined a gym and have actually used it! I think the fact that I am liking more and more how I look is good for my self esteem too. I am so sorry for the selfie barrage...
I'd like to think the anti depressants are helping too, I might just need more of em... or bigger ones! But thats ok, it wasn't gonna be an instant fix and nothing ever is you know. I think that this whole situation is going to require patience which normally I'm good at.
I am also trying to make sure I focus on the little things that cheer me up. Like I've set an alarm the last couple of days so I don't miss the sunset and I can enjoy that with a coffee and daydream. Soon I'm going to be able to do this ritual on the beach after an ocean swim and I am absolutely excited.
Sunset in Wellington is 6:04 tonight.
