When you view your life there are very likely a series of goals or maybe just one, these goals together join to form your idea of an adult life, these things are often achievable by destroying all opposition to your goals. I thought my weight was the only opposition to my goals of slipping into an adult life. In my youth I was naive.
Over the last month or so I have been experiencing horrible bouts of something I didn't have the name of until today. The symptoms are terrifying, dizziness, trouble breathing, feeling faint, feeling light headed and trouble swallowing. Like most problems in my life I figured it was but down to my weight.
It didn't occur to me that it was happening primarily in places that were crowded, like work or public transport. It occurred to others however, the moment I opened my mouth and explained what I was feeling they knew. Damn anxiety. It appears I have been experiencing severe panic attacks. Its cost me at least a week off work at this stage and has been a bad blow to my confidence. This came at me sideways, I didn't expect any illness that wasn't weight related, as It has been my experience that everything bad in life is caused by sugar and carbs.
I didn't think I ever really struggled too hard in social situations, I thought I did rather well, almost like a social ninja. I'm an absolute idiot... anxiety isn't just about new people and shyness and not wanting to leave the house, it can be the world shattering self doubt and constriction you didn't even know you were placing on yourself.
I have seen a doctor, been armed with pills and an opportunity to fight this as well as the constant battle against my weight. Its weird being so honest but I figure if you have read this far in the story you deserve honesty.
One awesome thing has come of this, I have finally been referred to look into gastric bypass surgery, my doctor was very pleased with my weight loss, although I am less than overwhelmed and with the aid of my family I stand ready to take back my life. I need this so bad.
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