I think its important to understand why I eat. Understanding where this came from is the only way to deconstruct it permanently. The addiction is still there after fourteen months. The need to eat hasn't disappeared completely though I have managed to point the need to consume towards much better foods such as apples instead of a loaf of bread.
I'm not hungry, I'm lucky enough that I've rarely known true hunger. I used to eat in times of depression or restlessness. It's still these periods that are the most risky for me to this current day. I've managed to get a good grip on my depression for the most part and there are only a few things that throw me into a slump now. Restlessness is a new beast, I've only recently started identifying this as a trigger for my eating and I am quickly realizing it might be the main one.
I'm coming to terms with the changes in my body fairly easily. My body is improving and able to do more and more as I lose the weight and gain the confidence. An interesting and certainly unforeseen part of all of this for me has been the changes to my brain. Since obtaining my sleep machine I have been able to sleep and breathe for the first time in my adult life at a fairly normal rate. This has meant my brain is now functioning sooooo much quicker.
I've been unable to sit still, unable to focus on things unless I am painting at the same time. (Come on, you must have wondered about the figurines at this point!) I'm finding that my life while still filling up with more and more as my energy levels increase feels under stimulating and I spiral when I have nothing to do or no progress can be made on whatever I am currently working at whether that's physical, creative or otherwise. Given this and other factors I'm looking into an ADHD diagnosis as that might help explain some of my manic traits/restless eating.
For now I am coping, I'm continuing to do the work, responsibly decrease the food and do my best, It's all I can do at this point!
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