Would it shock you to say that I am not succeeding at the moment,? I have in true Eli style allowed the cosmic indifference of the world to beat me into submission and worse than that... I have let the disappointments in life make me flee from the very thing I wanted, that absolute normality I seek.
It was in my rage of not feeling normal... of feeling passed up for things because of some very crappy short comings that I gave into the pain and blanked out. The more I missed out on or couldn't do struck a bitter chord with me. Time passed and I did nothing, time passed and I just sat there and stewed and became more and more bitter until in my shame I recognized the person that I was becoming again. In my self pity I did begin to eat away at my progress, all because of these accursed feelings.
It is in this point that I would normally impart wisdom gained from this experience but all I can really say is that an addiction like this one runs deep, it sunk it's teeth in when I was young and we have been biting each other ever since.
I am so glad I created this blog, these words are mine that I have chucked out into the world to remind me that even if I fail this time I have succeeded before and can succeed again. I can feel the energy beginning to surge again, the restless howl building as I begin to remember that feeling... you know that feeling you get when suddenly the weight is lifted from your shoulders/stomach/throat... I have that powerful feeling again.
I also am possessed of the knowledge that I am a much more complicated individual than just a weight number, I am made up of feelings and thought paths, I am made of old injuries and brutal scars and I must overcome all to best anything. I feel like I entered this bout last time with all motivation but no insight and yet now I am properly armed to make war upon myself.
Unfortunately my opponent knows the battlefield and has waged war here for sometime, I'm only hoping that this time we come into conflict I can show him something new.
Eli Moon
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