Part 5: Shoot for the Moon

Strangely I still have no idea why I am doing this. It's not something I pondered deeply and with great enthusiasm work up and said, "Moon you gotta sink or swim". I didn't reflect on the sorry state of things and read the writing on the wall. There was no reflection on the fact that I had fallen through rock bottom and broken through to a new layer of extra rock bottom. I was a ground zero lightning rod for yet another degree of pain and that wasn't stopping without me doing something.

I went swimming, it wasn't part of a grand plan of weight loss, it was just a thing I liked to do but hadn't for sometime. Afterwards I realized as I wearily crawled back to the dry land that this was the way, perhaps the only way that I could break through this exhaustion and sickness that was holding me back.

So I went swimming again, I just continued until it became the thing I did, there was no question about it. I just woke up and figured out when and how I was going to swim on that day. I think now that this compulsion is changing as I get more excited, as my addictions that have held me back are being over powered by this strange addiction to exercise.

My mind turns to goals, not because that is natural for me. I seldom set goals myself, as a very pessimistic and cynical person I don't really see myself succeeding at things often, however despite myself I am currently succeeding. So it's time to figure out what to aim for. Instantly my first instinct is to set a KG goal, cause being X weight equals happiness right? To me this kind of mentality is harmful, my progress is not a number. My progress is a lifestyle. One of my friends who is on a similar journey recently talked about the things that become easier as she becomes the healthy self she wants to be and its clear that aiming to pursue the lifestyle you want is far healthier than stressing about numbers on the scales.

So I am going to outline some vague goals and hope I hit at least some of them,

1. I want to be able to ride a bicycle,  reinforced to suit my weight or not. I just remember the amount of freedom I felt being able to bike places in my teens and I want the ability to be able to bike to the pool or along the waterfront in Petone.

2. I want to be able to wear a full shirt of chainmail, for my medieval fighting this is the best and most historic option and literally being too big to be able to support the tent of metal I'd need to wear is a little embarrassing!

3. I want to be able to buy non specialty clothes, its so expensive buying custom clothes or garments from the few outlets available. This would also allow me to be way more stylish.

This is where I am at so far, I think I'll add more goals as I continue, but I am pretty happy to be at a place where I am setting goals at all!