I started therapy this week, I know what you are thinking... it's about time! I'm never afraid to admit that my emotional and mental health fluctuates like a change in weather. I think it's good to focus on the attack on a mental health front at the same time as trying to make some good physical changes.
I say this but I must admit that I was a little stumped as to where to start with outlining where everything went wrong. It became clear though that digging through the past for that one moment that everything spiraled out of control is so damn pointless. There are so many small things that contribute to the slow breaking point where "Ok" becomes "Woah, I wanna get off this ride".
I guess as I have moved on from past failures it has no longer been the initial impacts of the meteors on the Moon that I'm suffering from, it's the craters that remained after that lingered. Fixing a physical wound is really simple, you get better... or you don't. A psychological wound is such a huge echoing chasm that you might look at and think well... that's broken. Dotted over my psych were all these little vulnerable wounds that wanted me to pick at them.
For a long time I could only be this wounded creature, I didn't know how to heal. I thought at some point It'd just happen. Like I'd wake up one day and one of the wounds would have closed and then slowly they'd all follow suit until I was whole.
I think I first started making progress when I abandoned the concept of ever being whole again, life is always going to take swings at you and the meteors will undoubtedly continue to rain down. With age comes good experience, some of the meteors you may deflect, some you may recover from quicker. I think mostly though I have begun to accept my flaws as some of my beauty and I've taken some of my power back from my own negativity.
I'm wounded, some days I'm broken. That's just part of who I am. A Moon dotted with craters and shining despite or maybe... because of it.
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