Part 19: Thinspiration

When I first started writing I didn't think I would be able to help myself, I threw words at the page in a rage in the hopes of coming clean about my feelings, my shame and to fairly illustrate what things have been like. If I had any idea of how my honesty would change my life... I would have started talking so much sooner.

I feel free, I have emptied the closet of skeletons and read my diary aloud for all to hear, If you have made it this far... you know me better than you ever have. You know of bullies, illness and depression. You know about the siren call of the custard square and the joy I have when I finally fit something. I have shared my dreams and fears and have cried more than once writing these down for you. I began with no idea of how anyone would respond but I did it. I wrote this stuff down and threw it out into the world and the response?

Inspiration, on both sides. Others have pushed me and helped me, they have supported and understood. People I don't know have followed my progress and setbacks, People have listened and cared. In a twist I have helped others, I have family, friends and strangers who have started their own journeys after reading this blog, I have other friends who have started their own blogs to share a different aspect of their lives with the world. To those of you trying to lose weight I have two words of encouragement to you, "Race you?".

When I started this I was told I was brave, but I wasn't brave at all. I was broken when I started this and I don't feel that way anymore. I have lost twenty Kgs, I have sore broken feet from the amount of walking recently and yesterday my belt needed tightening which it has never needed before. I am more confident, I have new clothes and I walk differently.

When I was growing up there was a tiny handwritten quote I found around the house on a small piece of card, I took it and pinned it to my wall (resale value be damned!). The quote read, “When I dare to be powerful, to use my strength in the service of my vision, then it becomes less and less important whether I am afraid.” I have carried that quote with me. 

I dare to be powerful.