I'm actually pursuing my own happiness, I said fuck you to that torrent of voices screaming "its too hard" and "you'll fail". I said fuck you and bit into an apple, I'm going to try and if the best I can do is try and fail then I'd be happy. But to not try? To waste more of my life pursuing my own destruction with a dazed look in my eyes and some ice cream around my mouth, Screw that. I've spent to long in a sugar coma and It's time to wake up.
I'm finding walking actually fun, which is a huge mindset change. If you had told me three months ago that any exercise would be fun I would have laughed at you over the xbox controller I was holding. Now however I'm actually quite pumped to do active things, I went out and danced on Saturday night (Awkward as that was!). I'm also really excited to do my gym orientation so I can start going to the gym! its weird to think not so long ago I wasn't able to walk very far at all without being tired and short of breath.
Another change I have been really surprised with is the reaction I have to the idea of junk food. Most of the time if you offered me junk food now i'd be disgusted, like I was actually being offered poison. I'm beginning to hate the idea of sugar or fat, which means staying away from most obvious temptations is simple. Its only the rare craving that I need to watch out for now (Damn you custard squares, Damn you!!!).
Also the way I view myself is changing, I'm more positive about my body image and am beginning to feel more confident in myself, I hold my head higher and feel better for it. I think actually writing down my experiences has helped heaps, as before I had never said half of the things to anyone, that I'm telling everyone now. Its working wonders.
I feel amazing.
Eli Nelson
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