Part 13: Who the hell am I?

As I continue on this path of weight loss I'm going to discover the ability to do things I have never done before because I have been to limited, I will get the opportunity to decide again if I like these things rather that have the decision dictated to me by my inability to do it. Who knows what I'll like in a year... on that same note I face a slight identity crisis.

A problem I have faced as a big guy is a lack of role models that I can Identify with. Where are the plus sized super heroes, rock stars or athletes (oh wait scrap the last one.), what I'm saying is I want to identify and see myself reflected in the world but its hard when no one looks like me... Its harder still when the people in charge actively decide to slim down already hefty characters!

If anyone has watched disney's the little mermaid they'll be familiar with the villain Ursula, she was a larger than life diva who threw her literal weight around. She was an iconic villain, but Disney decided that slimmer is better and have released toys of her with a tiny waistband and flowing dress. The old Ursula looks like she could eat the new one and maybe she damn well should. The Queen of hearts in Alice and wonderland was also slimmed down for the modern screen and her dolls have been given involuntary liposuction. So now even traditional villains can't have a weight problem? Because they won't appeal to the majority? Oh screw that!

Don't get me wrong I do have my role models (or roll models) Nick Frost and Jack Black are both or the husky side and manage to be awesome but there are very few people who I can identify with. Whenever someone tells me I reminf them of someone famous they are almost always larger than life, not a skinny but a fat one, thats how others see me, two weeks ago I was told I remind my flatmate of Sam on game of thrones who is the only fat character. how is it that among hundreds of characters my role model is picked for me as the fat "one". In media most fat people are portrayed as either the villain or comic relief and that's just not good enough, does a fat main character change the plot that much of most things? whats the worst that could happen? Luke Skywalker not fitting in his X-wing? Superman's tights a little tighter?

I'm trying to figure out what makes me... well me. For so long I have carried the persona of being just "a fat person"... making jokes at my expense and being ok with it. So hugely does my view of myself depend on my weight condition that a big part of this transition is mental. I really need to reinvent myself as something besides the obese guy in the room... but I'm uncertain how to proceed. Will I ever identify with skinny role models and maybe more importantly... should I have to?