Part 5: The end the rainbow

Lets talk goals. The payoff. The pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. That painful, elusive rainbow. Its the end of the rainbow that drives us, even when it remains unseen. The payoff is there and all you need to do is change your entire mindset and the way you live your life... shit that sounds hard... why would I do that? because I think it will be worth it.

Becoming fit won't grant me magic happiness that will endure through all things, but Zeus dammit it would help so much. I'll tell you whats in store for me when I'm done to a normal size. Aeroplane travel, Seat belts that fit, kayaking, skate boarding, regular clothes, any chair I desire, all the girls (Shush), sleeping through an entire night, longer life expectancy, swimming topless, more confidence, less random street abuse, different job opportunities... damn... That is a long list. 

There is another goal that I dear not even want, that I don't consider because it is so terrifying that I can't even fabricate the reality in my mind in which it could exist. One day I think I want to have kids, but I could never be obese and have children, I could never be to over weight to take them to the park, bike rides, swimming or anything they wanted to do. I would never put my children what I went through. My kids won't miss out. So unless I can get down to a weight in which I'm fit enough to do all of those things, the option of children doesn't even exist for me.

I'm doing alot to work on my goals, yesterday I went see a dietitian and I'm signing up for a gym today. I have been walking heaps and am surprised how easy that is becoming. Most importantly my younger sister has a wild child who is three years old, I call him wild because that boy has energy. I'm normally not the one to keep him entertained because he exhausts me, but a couple of days ago I ran around with him, kicked a soccer ball and played on the playground.

I have a long way to go before I see the pot of gold, but its just fucking brilliant to know that its there.

Eli Nelson