For the last week I have been in hospital waiting slowly for my illness to flee as pondering doctors and diligent nurses pump me full of antibiotics and painkillers. For the last week I have gazed about the ceiling above me and yearned to return to the progress I was making.
It's a bit difficult for me to make good headway, I don't trust myself. I know that sounds strange, what I mean by that is I know how easy it is for me to get demotivated and give up on something good for me when confronted by obstacles. Spending a week in hospital and the pain after getting out was a great big nasty obstacle. It would have been pretty easy for me to say "To heck with this, it's all too hard" and just be done with it if only for one thing.
I'm not doing this in the shadows, I'm being open about all of this. My blog posts help keep me focused and in many ways accountable. I know that if I just abruptly stop working towards my goals people are going to notice... and honestly that is great.
So far the support has been excellent, from people visiting me in hospital, others being amazing swimming buddies or just actions both small and large that have made this an easier transition than it would otherwise have been. I have often struggled with caring about myself but when confronted with the indisputable fact that I am not just cared for but I am loved it makes it easier to want to work on myself.
So today, after far too long out of the pool I managed to go swimming again, it was light stuff and didn't even nearly hit the seven hour record I have hit before but it was a vital first step to getting back into the swing of things. After just over three hours I had to stop due to pain but I'm excited to get back into it after another rest day. I'd also like to give a shout out to my swimming buddy today who made sure I didn't do anything stupid and end up back in hospital!
One positive thing that I found after my stay in hospital is that I lost weight just eating the far smaller portions than I was used to so that's a plus. I also decided that I had to reevaluate my relationship with bread and I figured it out today that "Bread isn't the worst, I just need to see other carbohydrates for a while until I can have a healthy relationship with bread" The birds didn't seem to mind at all as they pecked at the bread I threw to them.
So I'm hoping for many more swims in the near future, each swim bringing me closer to my goals.
MoonLite
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