Sometimes the demons come back around and it's always with fateful knock on your door on the one morning that you are weakest. My stress levels have been pretty high lately as I face off against a series of almost laughable circumstances and I can feel myself wanting to slip, wanting to chuck everything positive into a burning abyss and just slump into the form of a messy pile of discarded beanbags.
Of course, I can't do that. Despite my brain screaming at me that it desires "CARBS, COFFEE AND SUGAR!", in that order I might add. This demon I recognise, it's mouth is a bottomless maw and it wishes for me to feed it but the fuel it really eats are my goals and my future. I don't wish to feed it... it hasn't had much luck knocking here lately but it's like it senses I am weak.
Frantically I begin to reach for anything to do to keep it at bay, already near breaking point before factoring into the situation the knocking demon. I figure painting will at least let me focus on something else... so after reaching for my brushes I begin to lose track of time as I feverishly paint to keep myself sane.
I want to eat, it wants me to eat. The thin line of control is strained and made of brush strokes. I won't let myself allow my mood to be the dictator of my fate. I won't allow my efforts to crumble due to my lack of willpower. I go five rounds with the creature...
And I lost.
I'm not going to represent it another way. Today I stuffed up and I regret it, I controlled my fall somewhat but I must admit that some battles I'm going to lose. Occasionally I'm going to be really damn bad at this and it's unfair on anyone going through anything similar to pretend otherwise. Will I still be swimming tomorrow? Yep. Is it still salad for dinner? Yep. Am I a real person that stuffs up? Yep.
Being an emotional eater is really difficult and damn... I am 94% emotion. One weird silver lining is that I have found I'm only able to eat half of what I used to before I'm super full. Tomorrow is another day.
MoonLite
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