Part 20: Ghouls just wanna have fun.

I'm currently combating a wave of nasty depression and rather than letting it knock me down I am going to focus on my goal setting and where I want to be in the future. I don't want to let depression beat me, it's too frequently won these battles but now I have the upper hand in the form of strangely unshakable optimism that I swear someone is spiking my drinks with.

So, screw it... goals. Mostly at the moment my goals are all swimming related, I.e amount of hours spent in pools, length of time I can hold my breath for, the speed of my aqua jogging or the ease at which I can pull myself out of the pool. All these things are currently improving and I aim to keep them that way but I think some extra incentives are always welcome. I think the main thing I want to focus on is time spent swimming, I'm pretty good with the constant tempo of movement so I think that will gradually increase as I keep it up.

I think the main way I want to reward myself is by making myself feel pretty, it's pretty sad by my reckoning that I feel so wretched all the time and I think some self care will help with that but also screw it, lets go all out a little. I'm aiming for some pretty new piercings and maybe even tattoos as I hit milestones to make me the full metal emo of my dreams. It's not how everyone would chose to reward themselves but honestly it's pretty motivating to me!

Some really cool news today, my friends went and picked me up some new clothes and saved me a harrowing trip on the motorway. Most of it is smaller than what I used to wear, some of it is new togs as my old ones no longer fit.... in all cases with the clothing sizes its not an upward trend so that is fantastic. This actually makes me feel delighted, I'm wearing a top that currently feels like it was made for my body type as opposed to a tent that I crawled into and someone cut some arm holes. All the clothes are light weight and made to look like actually garments so this is a new thing for me.

Another fantastic thing is my punching bag as been finally resurrected so I can now take out all of life's frustrations against it and it's swinging mockery. I am looking forward to being able to mix up my work out styles and find new strength through training in different ways. There is nothing like being able to take out your fury on a punching bag... and nothing like swimming gracefully in the water.

As always I am super grateful to those that have supported me during this journey but I feel like it needs to be said again today.

MoonLite